[00:00:00] Hey, friends. Asher here. Welcome back to Unfeigned Christianity, where we're learning how to be theologically anchored and emotionally healthy so we can love and disciple others. Well, if you've been with me for parts one and two, thank you. These conversations aren't easy, but they're holy ground. So far, we've uncovered two big truths. First of all, porn isn't really about lust. It's about pain, a survival strategy, a way to quiet what feels unmanageable. Secondly, the war inside you doesn't mean you're fake. It means you're human. You've got exiles, managers, firefighters, and a real self Jesus is restoring. So the natural next question is now what? How do you actually heal? How do you rewire old patterns? How do you move forward when you keep falling back? That's what part three is all about. Let's talk about what sexual healing really looks like, practically biblically and emotionally. Because freedom isn't only possible. It's real. And it happens one small, honest step at a time. As always, if you're resonating with this series and you want to continue growing in emotional and spiritual health, make sure you like this video. Subscribe to the channel and join the email list. That way you won't miss any episode and bonus material. To join the email list, visit Asher whitmer.com forward slash, subscribe or click on the link in the description below. All right, let's get into the third and final part of our series on rewiring desire.
[00:01:42] Let's start here. Your parts. The exiled, the manager, the firefighter don't just disappear when you want them to. You can't bully your parts into holiness. You can't shame them into silence. You can't slap Bible verses on them like duct tape. They change when they feel seen. They soften when they feel safe. This is what Internal Family systems calls unblending. Stepping out of the chaos and leading your inner world with compassion, not fear.
[00:02:11] It sounds something like, what part of me is showing up right now?
[00:02:16] What is it afraid of? What truth might it need to hear?
[00:02:20] That's leadership. That's spiritual maturity. That's walking by the spirit. Not shoving parts away, but shepherding them with Jesus. Here's the truth many never hear. Porn is rarely the real problem. It's the painkiller. So ask gently, what is porn medicating? Loneliness, shame, fear of failure, abandonment, childhood wounds, emotional neglect, anxiety, unprocessed trauma. None of this heals by ignoring it. Ask Jesus, where did this begin? Which younger version of me is hurting and let him show you the 10 year old who felt unwanted, the teenager who felt unaccepted. The young adult who learned to cope instead of connect.
[00:03:07] Sometimes this work requires help. A trauma informed Christian counselor. A safe group of men. A mentor who won't flinch at your story.
[00:03:16] Healing happens when someone says, I see you. I'm not ashamed. You don't have to carry this alone. That's when the exile begins to trust again. That's when forgiveness becomes possible. If you'd like to dive deeper into how to forgive when the pain is still there, I've linked to an article I wrote a few years ago in the description below. Now for the hopeful part of neuroscience, your brain is not fixed, it's it's rewritable. Even if porn has carved deep pathways, your brain can form new ones. But it takes repetition and grace. Here's what helps. Deliberate abstinence, often from porn and masturbation.
[00:03:55] Replacing triggers with connection or movement.
[00:03:59] Daily practices that calm your nervous system.
[00:04:02] Journaling your parts and inviting Jesus to speak.
[00:04:07] Spiritual rhythms that comfort not shame and relational support.
[00:04:13] Freedom from porn isn't the disappearance of desire for sex. It's learning a new automatic response. The old pathway says I'm hurting, I escape. The new one says I'm hurting, I connect. Freedom isn't the absence of struggle. It's leaning on Jesus in the middle of the struggle.
[00:04:33] Remember part one.
[00:04:35] Most unwanted sexual behavior grows in a heart that doesn't feel relationally safe. That's why healing requires connection. Not just stopping porn, but learning what real intimacy feels like. Spend time with safe people. Let others see the real you. Practice asking for what you need. Share your story in honest, gentle ways. Most importantly, let God become your secure attachment. Not the distant God you serve, but the present, patient God you rest in. He's not waiting for you to get it together. He's sitting with you while you don't. The gospel isn't just about behavior. It's about attachment restoration. Now let's be honest. You will have setbacks not because you're broken beyond repair, because you're human. But a setback is not failure. It's information.
[00:05:29] When you stumble, ask what was I feeling beforehand? Which part took over?
[00:05:35] What was it trying to protect me from?
[00:05:37] How can I respond differently next time? This is what repentance looks like, turning toward Jesus in the moment you need him most. Healing isn't becoming someone else. It's becoming your whole spirit led self. Freedom doesn't mean the firefighter never panics. The manager never tries to protect its image. The exile never aches.
[00:06:01] Rather, freedom means they don't run the show anymore.
[00:06:05] This is integration and wholeness in Christ.
[00:06:10] If you've been listening to this series thinking I want deeper healing, but I don't know how to do it, or I don't know if I can do this alone. That longing is holy and that's why I created the Live Free Mentorship Community.
[00:06:25] Inside, you'll be able to process your story with others who get it, receive guidance, support, and monthly group calls, work through the Live Free course with real time help experience healing and community not in isolation and grow theologically anchored and emotionally healthy and relationally whole. Enrollment opens again soon. If you want to be a part of the next cohort, or if you've been waiting for a sign, this might be it. I'd love to walk with you.
[00:06:53] Healing from porn isn't about willpower. It's not about shame. It's not about perfection. It's it's about connection, presence, honesty, compassion, and Christ. You don't need to have it all together to begin. You just need to be willing. Freedom isn't found in a flawless record. It's found in the gentle, healing presence of Jesus. Thanks for joining me for this series. If you'd like more resources like this and updates on when the mentorship community opens, be sure to join the email
[email protected] subscribe I'll see you in the next episode.
[00:07:31] Sam.
