[00:00:00] Hey, friends. Asher here. Welcome back to unfeigned Christianity, where we're learning to be theologically anchored and emotionally healthy so we can love and disciple others. Well, in a world that, quite frankly, doesn't make that easy.
[00:00:14] Today we're starting in a place most of us would rather avoid. Porn. Or maybe more honestly, the shame beneath it. The cycles we can't seem to break. The exhaustion of feeling stuck.
[00:00:27] I start with this topic because porn use was the behavior that grabbed my attention, making me aware of the unhealth inside myself.
[00:00:36] If we want to grow, to actually grow, not just keep looking Christian, we've got to deal with the stuff inside us that makes faith feel complicated. So let's talk about it. But before we dive in, if you're tracking with this conversation, if you want to walk this journey of deeper healing with me this season, make sure you're on the email list. That's where all the behind the scenes conversations, conversations, reflections and next steps go out. You can
[email protected] subscribe or click on the link in the description below. I'd love to stay connected with you there.
[00:01:11] All right, let's get into it.
[00:01:23] Most guys never say this out loud, even though it's eating them alive. We think porn is about lust or a lack of discipline or weakness, or not trying hard enough. But for most of us, porn is about pain. It's about trying to survive. Emotions we don't have the tools to handle. If you're like me, maybe your attempts to quit look something like this. Deleting your history, bondage, breaking prayers, memorizing verses, confession cycles. Promising yourself this time it'll be different. But here's a question no one ever asked me. Why do you reach for porn in the first place?
[00:02:01] Why that moment? Why that emotion? Why after that conversation or that stress or that lonely night? It's because porn isn't just a temptation. Porn is self protection, a pressure valve, a numbing agent. A few seconds where your nervous system finally goes quiet. Quiet. You're not chasing pleasure, you're chasing relief. And that changes everything. Think of Adam and Eve after the fall. What did they do?
[00:02:30] They hid. They covered themselves. They tried to manage their shame.
[00:02:35] We do the same thing. Porn becomes our modern fig leaf. Covering the things we don't know how to feel. Loneliness, anxiety, stress, rejection. Feeling lost.
[00:02:47] I don't measure up. I'm not enough.
[00:02:49] The reason porn feels magnetic is that it becomes a painkiller. Your brain found a shortcut. Not a healthy one, but a predictable one. Let's go even deeper. If you grew up never feeling truly seen, or if love felt like something you had to earn, or if vulnerability wasn't safe, then porn becomes this weird substitute for intimacy.
[00:03:13] You get the feeling of being wanted without the risk of being known. You get connection on demand without the vulnerability of actual relationship.
[00:03:22] It's not real. It never satisfies. It's like drinking salt water when you're thirsty. But it does tell the truth about one thing.
[00:03:31] Your heart is aching for connection. And that ache is not sinful. It's human. Here's what purity culture never taught me. Jesus doesn't just want to make you pure.
[00:03:42] He wants to make you whole. He doesn't stand at a distance saying, come on, get it together.
[00:03:48] He walks into your hiding place, the same one you're ashamed of, and asks, where are you?
[00:03:56] Not to expose you, to meet you. The gospel is not only forgiveness, it's restoration. Jesus wants to heal the very places porn has been, numbing your anger, your shame, your childhood wounds, your fear, your loneliness. The parts of you that feel too much or not enough.
[00:04:17] He's not disgusted by your struggle. He's moved with compassion for your pain. The next time you feel the urge rise, try this pause. Put a hand to your chest. Ask, what am I feeling now? Lonely? Angry? Afraid?
[00:04:34] Whisper, Jesus, here's where I am.
[00:04:38] Don't try to fix anything. Just name it. Honesty is the doorway to healing in the next episode, we're going to talk about that feeling of being split inside, like there are two different versions of you fighting each other. That feeling isn't hypocrisy, it's the cry of a fragmented heart. And Jesus speaks straight into that fragmentation.
[00:05:01] If you don't want to miss it, make sure you join the email
[email protected] subscribe or by clicking the link in the description below.
[00:05:09] Thanks for being here. This is a season for going somewhere deeper, somewhere more honest, somewhere more whole.
[00:05:17] See you in the next episode.
