Episode Transcript
Speaker 0 00:00:00 Hello, friends. Welcome back to Unpayed Christianity, Asher Whitmer with you here. And we are wrapping up my review of my own book, live Free Making Sense of Male Sexuality. Right now we're running a Black Friday deal. You can buy the book, the Hard physical copy. It's a soft cover, but it's a physical actual copy for 30% off. You can get the Kindle version for 70% off. And on Friday, black Friday, November 26, I believe it is, uh, we will be releasing the audio version that you can have access to as well. So looking forward to that. There's been a number of things as I review this book that I, I would say it differently, but for the most part, I'm, I'm, again, grateful for the message communicated. It's, it's a long book. It's kind of thick, but I hope it is easy to read and, and flows well.
Speaker 0 00:00:56 Hopefully the next book that I write won't be quite as thick <laugh>, I guess we'll see. But yes, as I was saying, I think, um, there's actually less that I would correct or say differently than I thought there would be. So if you would like to know what some of those things are and you're just diving in now, I'm sure if, if you're listening to this, you've probably been following along the whole way, but you can access previous episodes in the description below this chapter, chapter 19, accountability Internet Filters and The Fear of God. Pretty much nothing new to change. It's a fairly short chapter. It's not that long, but I purposely leave kind of accountability, internet filters, that type of stuff for the end often. I don't know, when I wrote this book, it seemed like often any, any book about living with sexual purity and so forth had a bit of an emphasis on behavior modification.
Speaker 0 00:02:02 I don't know if that's quite as true today. There's been a couple books released since writing this book that I think do a a really good job of getting to the root of the issue. And we're seeing a shift within the Christian world from kind of this focus to like, bouncing your eyes or like what do you do with your mind when you're thinking on, um, you know, when you see a beautiful lady and, um, having all these internet filters in place and be a part of accountability groups. And there's less of a focus on that and more of the actual dealing with the heart issues, the psychological things that are going on that drive us towards sexual behaviors. We, we don't want to do, especially if you're a follower of Christ, but I purposely left it for the end. It can be helpful, but I think too often that gets way too much air time and we don't deal with the root issues.
Speaker 0 00:02:52 But it's an important piece. And there are some principles that I address in this chapter that I think think are crucial to have healthy accountability, to have a healthy perspective on internet filters. And here's, here are the two principles. One, accountability is only good if it's done in the context of relationship. So the moment you, you no longer have a very good relationship with the person you're keeping accountability with, the moment you'll start being deceptive, the moment you're not gonna be quite as forthright and honest, accountability is only as meaningful and only as powerful as the relationship that you have with the people you're being accountable to. So if you join an accountability group, and that's the only place you see those guys, it's really, really easy to put on a good front and be deceptive in that accountability group. The most meaningful types of accountability are with people who can see you as you're relating with your family, as you're relating with other people and who can come up to you because of the relationship and the context and, and the type of thing you guys talk about and be like, Hey, what's bothering you?
Speaker 0 00:03:56 Or like, Hey, some something going on. You know, if you don't have that kind of relationship and you're in an accountability group, you're probably gonna find it's not that helpful because there's no connection, there's no transparency there. So accountability, yes, it's, it's crucial. We need relationship, we need other people to bring other people into our lives in that way. But if it's not a safe place of people we know and people we're bonding together with, it's not gonna work. It's, it's, it's actually probably going to be a place where you learn how to deceive others. And then it actually has the, the side effect, the opposite effect of what you're going after. So, just as a little plug here, um, I recently had an interview with, um, Arthur Knisely and just some of the work that he did, uh, the, the, on the podcast episode is finding healing from unwanted sexual Behavior.
Speaker 0 00:04:51 I think that's the title that I have for, we have an expanded version for members where we talk about this, about internet filters and, and kind of accountability and, and how to apply that and use that in a way that doesn't actually create, especially in the context of Parents to Children where we're not teaching or creating environments where they are gonna be deceptive. So if you'd like to check that out, you can also click that in the link below. The other principle is that internet filters and even accountability, like they are helpers, they assist in walking in freedom, but the actual thing that's gonna keep us free is this fear of God. And I talk about that. Basically it's is from conversations I had with older men who have lived years of, of freedom, who've lived fully alive as men that, but, but not bound by lust. They're having healthy sexual relationships.
Speaker 1 00:05:57 And I, uh, a recurring theme, I, I thought they would talk about some of these practices, never being in a room with another lady, you know, never, you know, always having accountability partners and so forth, but they actually didn't, some of them would talk about those things, but the thread that all of them discussed, and granted, I'm, I'm speaking of maybe six to seven different men that I talked with. I forget exactly who, who fit that category is like years, like 40 plus years of freedom. The thing they all discussed was the fear of God. And it was really interesting because the way they talked about the fear of God was this notion that like God's actually gonna do what he says. So if I sow to the spirit, then I will reap life. And if I sow to the flesh, I will reap death.
Speaker 1 00:06:49 And so that confidence that God is actually gonna do what he says. So if I choose to click on this and look on this, and I'm gonna experience death in my life, um, even if it's just like a relational death or a spiritual death, or if I choose to, to pursue God's design for sexuality, God's design for relationships, there will be a cultivating of life within me. If that's the thing that guides me, then I mean, that's more powerful than any internet filter. That's more powerful than even accountability because accountability partners aren't always gonna see the secret decisions, the secret thoughts of our lives. And internet filters can easily be disabled and you move around them. But if you're being guided by the fear of God, that's what's gonna lead to true lasting freedom No matter what situation, there are gonna be, uh, situations and context for sexual compromise that I face, that you face in life in the future that we haven't even thought of right now because of the technology that will be developed because of the, the ways relationships and culture will change.
Speaker 1 00:08:02 But if we're being guided by the fear of God, we will always be able to walk in freedom. And that's something I clinging to. I I I don't want to lose what I have in relationship with my wife and neither do I want to lose what I have in my relationship with God. And so if I compromise sexually, I'm gonna lose all of that, cuz God said that's what would happen. Sewing to my flesh would reap death. Sewing to the spirit will reap life. And that's what keeps me free. Hey, tomorrow we're gonna be discussing the last chapter. We've made it through 20 chapters of live Free. Again, there is a deal. If you want the book, you can click the link below. If you wanna see all the previous reviews, that link is below as well. If you want the audio version, stay tuned on Friday. That will become available as well. Thanks for being
Speaker 2 00:08:54 A part of this journey with me As I review it, I'd love to hear your thoughts. What are your thoughts, whether on this chapter, whether you haven't read the book and you're just, you've been following along on these videos, I'd love to hear, uh, in what ways have, has this helped shape your understanding of sexual purity, sexual wholeness? Um, what are things that I haven't brought up that you would've liked me to discuss or address? Uh, feel free to leave a comment or shoot me an email, a message and maybe we can discuss those or, or look at those in a future podcast episode or article down the road. Thanks for being with me on this journey, grace and Peace.
